Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
