The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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