Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
