and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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