just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
