I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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