Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
