i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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