and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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