He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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