Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize