Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
