2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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