I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
