I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
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I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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