True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think i have two assholes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
