never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
