As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
that may or may not have been my penis.
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