Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
