Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
