as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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