he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
