What did we do last night that was yellow?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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