I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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