guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
