Are we in a gay sports bar?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
