i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
