everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize