I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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