Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
