I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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