I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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