Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
