You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
