Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
