i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
