Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
