At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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