he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
