but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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