I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
