My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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