Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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