Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
