i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
