he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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