i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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