I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
