u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We left an ass print on the piano.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
