just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
