The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
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I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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