were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
