i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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