my phone needs a breathalizer
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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