i can't believe i had my finger in that
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
