Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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