Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
