her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
