Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
