worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
