TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
