There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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