I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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