just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
