Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
