when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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