You're so nebulous sometimes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
