i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
