garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The air was thick with penises
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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