I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize