If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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