i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
