hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
